Nine Months Later—by Denise

Disclaimer: this post was written on March 22nd, the nine month anniversary of Gilbert's accident. Due to illness and parenting, Lizi took a while to get it posted as she is the one who volunteered to take care of the site. All time references are from the perspective of March 22nd.

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We reached a huge milestone this week—Gilbert started driving again! At my request, (ok, insistence) he went through a driving simulation with a physical therapist at UTMC followed by a test drive, both of which went well. He drove home from that appointment with me only reaching for the grab-bar once or twice (no worse than when the kids were learning to drive. I refused to do first trips with them, too, for the record).

So, here’s my thinking: I’ve conquered a load of tasks outside of my comfort zone in the last nine months. But I put my foot down on the driving. Quite simply, his first time behind the wheel was not going to be added to that list. Yes, I trust what he feels are his limits, but this was filled with too many unknowns. While his upper body strength is great, walking is hard, and controlling his feet is a challenge. Plus, I wasn’t sure what his reaction time would be behind the wheel as he ventured into getting a message from his brain to those injured feet in a new way. I didn’t want to be with him when he found out that any of those factors were an issue. Bottom line: I refused to be in a vehicle I could not control if something went wrong. For those of you who know me, you understand that I’m not a worrier. So this concern deserved attention. Right?

Of course, nothing went wrong, as he fully expected. But I feel better now. First, I’m grateful that he took my concerns seriously and did the driving simulation and test drive (completely for my benefit). Second, I’m thrilled that it confirmed his belief that all would be well. It’s a giant step toward independence for him!

So, this morning, like a mother sending her firstborn off to school for the first time, I stood in the door (in my PJs) and watched him leave for work.

Yes, there were tears. Tears of joy that he can do this on his own. And a few tears of relief that I don’t have to be the only driver anymore. I was also overcome by a fresh realization of how far we’ve come in nine months! From the initial call that Gilbert had fallen and was on his way by ambulance to the hospital through weeks of hospitalization and rehab followed by months of PT, we’re well on our way to as complete a recovery as is possible. We still don’t know exactly what that will look like, but we continue to rejoice in each new accomplishment.

Nine months. Long enough for a new life to be conceived, grown and developed, and be birthed. A new life has certainly emerged for us. One that looks different in many ways from our life before June 22nd. Yet one that is much the same.

What is different? Nearly every physical aspect of our lives. Even the details of our home—there’s a ramp to the front door, a chair lift to the basement, a scooter, two wheelchairs (one in the car for when we’re out and one in the basement), a walker, and a whole new set of medicines. While our schedule no longer revolves around appointments as it did just a few months ago, we still live with the reality of a completely different set of abilities.

What is the same? The awareness that we don’t get to choose our situations in life, but we can work together and make the best of whatever comes our way. We’re a team, and we approach life that way. We always have, and we always will. This experience has only changed the tasks, not the heart of our relationship. It has given us a deeper awareness of how close we came to not being together to face this season along with how grateful we are for the opportunity to help each other through.

Has it been easy? NO! Would we have asked for such an experience? NO! Yet there is a deep peace in knowing that “all things work together for good.” Even 50-foot falls.

What has been birthed in us is a renewed commitment to each other along with a deeper appreciation of our family and friends. We are grateful for this perspective—a pretty good benefit from our nine month journey so far!