Processing
Last week Dad met with the surgeon who operated on his back his first night in the hospital for his first outpatient followup appointment. It was sobering.
We didn't know until after the appointment that this was the first that Dad really understood that he has (or most likely has?) a spinal cord injury. While he was still in the hospital, after becoming lucid, a nurse from the orthopedic team sat with him to explain his foot and leg injuries and showed him his x-rays, so we knew he had a good understanding of that information. But it didn't occur to any of us that all of the conversations with the neurosurgeon (who did the back surgery) had taken place while Dad was still in his drug-induced delirium. So this appointment held some news for him that I imagine wasn't at all easy to hear.
Dad still doesn't have feeling in his right leg, and of the various areas of his right leg the only movement he has is in his toes, which he moves quite well. The doctor believes that at this stage the lack of sensation in his right leg is most likely due to a spinal cord injury. It's still hard to say whether that will be permanent or not. Time will tell. He did tell Dad that because he's able to see the muscles twitch when Dad tries to move his leg, that means that some sort of neuro-communication is firing. He suggested maybe it will be helpful to his recovery to continue to tell those neurons to fire even if they're not quite connecting with the targeted muscles to cause movement. But he also said if Dad does not regain sensation in that leg it may be unsafe for him to work again since he could injure himself and not even know it.
His left leg has feeling and movement, except that he can't move his left toes. The surgeon told him he "may end up with one good leg between the two of them." This information somehow manages to sound almost humorous when you put it in terms of medical mathematics like that, but it's not funny at all. Please pray for him as he processes this information.
One of my in-laws was able to put words to what's been troubling me about this part of Dad's journey. She pointed out that the uncertainty makes it impossible to know how to react, mostly for Dad but for those of us close to him as well. Should he grieve? Should he be hopeful since there's still no definite prognosis for his body or his career? Which losses are we mourning here, or should mourning somehow be on hold? We've been taking everything one day at a time for a month now because it's overwhelming to do anything else, but on the other hand, it's hard to ignore the future.
In Dad’s own words after having a few days to think about what the neurosurgeon told him, he said: “I am at peace with whatever my future abilities will be. From wha I see now, I won't be a total invalid. Even if I'm able to help other people know how to do what needs to be accomplished, I am at peace in doing that."
We didn't know until after the appointment that this was the first that Dad really understood that he has (or most likely has?) a spinal cord injury. While he was still in the hospital, after becoming lucid, a nurse from the orthopedic team sat with him to explain his foot and leg injuries and showed him his x-rays, so we knew he had a good understanding of that information. But it didn't occur to any of us that all of the conversations with the neurosurgeon (who did the back surgery) had taken place while Dad was still in his drug-induced delirium. So this appointment held some news for him that I imagine wasn't at all easy to hear.
Dad still doesn't have feeling in his right leg, and of the various areas of his right leg the only movement he has is in his toes, which he moves quite well. The doctor believes that at this stage the lack of sensation in his right leg is most likely due to a spinal cord injury. It's still hard to say whether that will be permanent or not. Time will tell. He did tell Dad that because he's able to see the muscles twitch when Dad tries to move his leg, that means that some sort of neuro-communication is firing. He suggested maybe it will be helpful to his recovery to continue to tell those neurons to fire even if they're not quite connecting with the targeted muscles to cause movement. But he also said if Dad does not regain sensation in that leg it may be unsafe for him to work again since he could injure himself and not even know it.
His left leg has feeling and movement, except that he can't move his left toes. The surgeon told him he "may end up with one good leg between the two of them." This information somehow manages to sound almost humorous when you put it in terms of medical mathematics like that, but it's not funny at all. Please pray for him as he processes this information.
One of my in-laws was able to put words to what's been troubling me about this part of Dad's journey. She pointed out that the uncertainty makes it impossible to know how to react, mostly for Dad but for those of us close to him as well. Should he grieve? Should he be hopeful since there's still no definite prognosis for his body or his career? Which losses are we mourning here, or should mourning somehow be on hold? We've been taking everything one day at a time for a month now because it's overwhelming to do anything else, but on the other hand, it's hard to ignore the future.
In Dad’s own words after having a few days to think about what the neurosurgeon told him, he said: “I am at peace with whatever my future abilities will be. From wha I see now, I won't be a total invalid. Even if I'm able to help other people know how to do what needs to be accomplished, I am at peace in doing that."
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